


A Corporeal Paronus

by Sxpphie



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Crying, F/M, Grief/Mourning, I Will Go Down With This Ship, I am a terrible person for this, Love Confessions, Mentor/Protégé, No Remus/Tonks, No Teddy Lupin, No baby, Not Really Character Death, Older Man/Younger Woman, basically implied, it's too late now, no remadora, not actually featured
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-03
Updated: 2020-12-03
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:07:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,126
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27855618
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sxpphie/pseuds/Sxpphie
Summary: Alastor is dead and Nymphadora is not handling this news well.Now sitting at the burrow, mourning her mentor's death, Arthur brings forth a letter Moody had written for her. She learns some things she wishes she had learned years ago and it's only made her grief worse.
Relationships: Alastor "Mad-Eye" Moody/Nymphadora Tonks
Comments: 2
Kudos: 7





	A Corporeal Paronus

**Author's Note:**

> Wrote this on a whim, in maybe an hour and a half for the sake that the Tonks/Moody smut I've been working on is taking a LOT LONGER than I anticipated.  
> This wasn't sent to my Beta, just read over a few times with tired eyes.
> 
> I'd also like to note that we have no official Patronus for Moody, I merely looked over the meaning behind each Patronus and determined which one would work best for him.
> 
> I am an angsty piece of shit that cannot seem to decide which character I'd like Tonks to hold hands with. It's fine though. Totally fine. I can indulge in a rare pair every once in a while and these two are definitely a favorite of mine.  
> Though, Moody doesn't technically show up because well uhm,,, he's dead.  
> He's here in spirit!  
> okay, enough rambling, please enjoy.

Though the mission had been a success, the words Bill Weasley had spoken just two hours earlier haunted Nymphadora Tonks.

They haunted her in the worst way. The words held her throat, strangling her slowly as she sat on the ground, just outside the Weasleys’ home.

She felt numb. She felt empty.

Her bottom hurt from sitting on that concrete step for the past two hours but Tonks couldn’t bring herself to go inside. It hurt too much.

The knots had formed in her stomach and no matter which way she pulled the strings in a pathetic attempt to untie some of them, it seemed more would form.

Her face was hot and her eyes puffy.

Though she desperately wanted to cry more, she had cried all the tears she had.

She had cried on and off the last three hours.

Only an hour ago had Fred had come outside, gently draping a quilt over her shoulders, not because it was cold, but to provide her with some comfort.

She had ignored him.

And forty-five minutes ago Molly had come outside, hinting that perhaps it was time she come inside and get some rest.

But all Tonks had done was viciously snap at Molly, demanding to be left alone.

Tonks regretted that. All Molly and Fred had done was try to help. She’d have to apologize for that tomorrow.

Tonks sniffled once more, running the side of her hand over her eye, trying to dry the few tears that had bubbled back up.

“Tonks?”

His voice was a bit shaky. Perhaps afraid she’d snap at him the way she had Molly.

Tonks glanced over her shoulder, standing in the door frame was Arthur.

“Do you have a moment?” He asked, wanting to ensure Tonks was in an okay mental state to talk.

Tonks really wasn’t but knew she had to at least fake it. “Yeah. Why?” She asked as she sniffled once more.

But Arthur didn’t respond, instead, he merely took a step forward, closing the door behind him as he took another step, sitting down beside her with a sigh.

“You alright?”

Tonks sniffled, shaking her head no. “No. I’m not alright.”

Arthur hesitated to speak, seeming to want to but not. “I didn’t think you were…”

“It’s not fair.” Tonks spoke, “He...He was such an amazing man and...he...he didn’t deserve to die.”

Arthur’s nod was weak but he agreed with Tonks on that. “I agree…I agree.”

Tonks felt the tears start to bubble intensely again, her face growing hot and a lump formed in her throat. She had not cried all the tears she had to cry.

That was blatantly obvious.

“But... I know this doesn’t fix much but...before you arrived, Alastor gave me something...he explained to me that this mission was exceptionally dangerous and that the possibility of his death was high...see, he assumed that he who must not be named would think we’d put Harry with him...he is...he was the-”

Before Arthur could finish and before Tonks could think it through fully, she had snapped back a response.

“He is! Just because he’s gone doesn’t mean he isn’t the strongest Auror!”

Arthur was silent before he nodded. He decided it was merely best to just agree with Tonks right now.

“My apologies. He assumed that he’d think we’d put Harry with him...seeing as he is the strongest Auror...which made him assume that the possibility of his death was likely...so, he gave me this letter...told me if he died tonight to give it to you...perhaps offer you some necessary closure.”

Tonks was trembling. So many times has Arthur Weasley spoken about his death. It was being shoved in her face.

Her frame trembled as she watched Arthur move.

His hands reached into his coat pocket and pulled from it an envelope, her name written in Alastors Swoopy handwriting on the front.

“Here...I’m not sure what it says as he instructed me not to touch it or read it...just that if he died to give it to you...and to ensure you read it alone.”

He held it out to her.

Though her hands trembled, Tonks took the letter, giving Arthur a weak smile. “Thank you…” She choked out, glancing down at her name.

The way it was so elegantly written.

“I’ll be up and in the house...if you need anything sweetheart, you know where to find me alright?”

Tonks nodded, hesitating for a second to speak but eventually she forced the words out. “Thank you, Arthur.”

Arthur gave her a final nod before he stood up and disappeared back into the house.

Tonks focused on the letter, swallowing hard as she turned it over, her fingers slipping under and breaking the seal on the letter, opening it carefully.

Perhaps from all the movement, the quilt had started to fall, to which Tonks used her left hand to pull it back onto her shoulder.

Folded into threes, Tonks held the parchment, terrified of what it might say.

Tonks took a deep breath, unfolding the letter carefully and to her surprise, saw he had a lot to say.

For a moment, the words just looked like gibberish but they weren’t gibberish.

They were coherent sentences, Tonks just couldn’t make out.

Her eyes scanned the swoopy handwriting, not fully processing or understanding what it said.

“Dammit.” She said, drying a tear that had started to run down her cheek.

“Alright, Madeye...what do you have to say?” She asked, her dark brown eyes began at the top.

**_“_ ** _ Nymphadora,” _

Tonks clenched her jaw tightly, she could hear him saying her name in her head.

It sounded so gruff, but yet so tender.

_ “The only reason you’d ever be reading something like this is, _

_ Is in the circumstances that I have died. _

_ Don’t cry over me. I’m serious now.” _

Tonks forced herself to smile. That was an incredibly Moody thing to say.

He hated when people fussed over him, but especially hated it when she did it.

The time he’d burnt himself pretty badly while making tea, Tonks had spent a good twenty minutes just convincing him to let her look at it.

_ “I want you to know that first of all, I’m proud of you. _

_ You’ve really become a powerful, strong Auror. You’ve got the potential to be _

_ One of the most well-known Aurors to ever serve the ministry.” _

Tonks felt the heat rise to her cheeks and not the kind of heat that was from her wanting to cry. The kind from her blushing. Moody complimented her often sure and he told her he was proud of her from time to time but this was something different. To see how much he truly believed in her was a bit shocking.

_ “The main reason I’ve chosen to write you this letter is simple. _

_ I wanted you to know how deeply I truly cared for you.” _

It was with those words Tonks knew she was going to cry. She knew full well that Alastor Moody’s stupid letter was going to make her sob like a baby.

_ “You see Nymphadora, since day one, I’ve felt differently about you. _

_ I’m assuming you think I mean it negatively. I don’t. _

_ Though I tried to conceal and deny these feelings and I did a pretty damn _

_ Good job my whole life, now that I’m gone and can’t ruin the relationship between us, _

_ I feel less bad in saying it...or writing it.” _

Tonks sniffled, the lump in her throat wasn’t going away.

Tonks continued to read his words, clenching the parchment tightly in her hands.

_ “I never expressed my feelings towards you _

_ Because I didn’t want you to feel uncomfortable around me. _

_ I didn’t want to scare you away, seeing as I am much older than you. _

_ Though you could be reading this and be completely and utterly _

_ Disgusted, I had to tell you. _

_ I had to answer your questions as to why I’d never produce a corporeal Patronus.” _

Tonks felt strange. She wasn’t sure she fully understood what exactly he was saying with his words.

She thought she did. She thought Alastor was admitting to being in love with her, but she wasn’t completely sure.

Though the moment her eyes trailed across the last sentence, her curiosity peaked.

Only a year into training, Alastor had gone over Patronus’s and how they could possibly be dangerous.

Explaining to them that they could be giveaways to identity.

To which Tonks had asked him what his Patronus was.

Alastor had ignored her question but oh she was persistent.

Tonks was constantly asking him about it until finally, he had snapped, telling her the next time she asked was the end of her Auror training.

_ “Before you had skipped into the training room, hair a dark shade of green, _

_ My Patronus had been a Black stallion.” _

Tonks swallowed hard, the fact he hadn’t said this to her but instead was telling her through a letter after he died was upsetting.

_ “But within a matter of weeks, it had become an adventurous, wild and quick _

_ Jackrabbit.” _

She choked on her own saliva, the shock hitting her like a train.

Her eyes ran over that sentence over and over and over again.

Alastor Moody’s Patronus had changed to match hers.

Tonks put two and two together. The way he had worded his earlier paragraph on top of the Patronus change.

Her Mentor had fallen in love with her, but she had been too oblivious to realize and he had been too stubborn to tell her.

Tears streamed down her face as she continued reading.

_ “You had become my happiest memory.  _

_ You are my happiest memory. _

_ Though I know you must be cringing...vomiting even, it feels nice _

_ To write this out. To in a way say it without having to endure your _

_ Disgust. You newfound hate for me. _

_ It feels good to tell you that I loved you Nymphadora. _

_ That I was in love with you and died in love with you.” _

Tonks felt overwhelmed with emotions.

She felt like crying, screaming, smiling, throwing up, and bouncing up and down in delight.

“Alastor you absolutely numskull…” She forced herself to say, clenching her jaw tightly.

_ “I never let myself act on my feelings though. _

_ Again, I didn’t want to scare you away.  _

_ I didn’t want you to be disgusted by me. _

_ I didn’t want you to feel weird that a man old _

_ Enough to be your father was absolutely in love with you.” _

Damn how she wished he had just told her.

He should have just told her so Tonks could have thrown her arms around him, bounced up and down, and told him over and over she felt the same way.

That she loved him. That she wanted him forever and always.

_ “I’m sorry if I’ve made you feel weird and I’m sorry if this has ruined our relationship _

_ And all the memories you have of me, but, I felt it was only _

_ Fair that I tell you my reasoning. _

_ I also felt that you deserved to know about my feelings towards you. _

_ I hope you never forget how absolutely incredible you are Nymphadora. _

_ I hope you remember how much I care about you and I hope that you never ever _

_ Forget  _

_ Constant Vigilance. _

_ ~ Alastor “Mad-eye” Moody” _

To see him end his letter. To have reached the end of their final conversation caused Tonks to burst into tears.

She sobbed uncontrollably as she held the letter tightly to her chest, the blanket long discarded and her stomach ached.

Though she was mostly just devastated he was dead, she was also incredibly hurt that he had hidden this from her. That she hadn’t gotten to express her feelings for him.

That she hadn’t gotten to kiss his lips or feel his calloused hands against her bare skin. 

That she hadn’t gotten to pursue a relationship with him and possibly become Nymphadora Moody.

“You shoulda just told me you asshole…” She choked out, looking out into the starry night sky.

“You really shoulda told me...I would have told you I loved you right back and we could have been happy together.” Her voice was high and shaky. A sign of her obvious sadness.

Tonks leaned over slightly, her hot cheek pressed against the side of the burrow, sniffling once more.

Tonks felt numb. She now had a whole new slew of emotions to process.

Her mentor had been in love with her but had been too cautious and stubborn to say something.

And now he was gone and she’d never get to be with the one she loved.

‘A damn shame.’

Nymphadora thought, clutching the letter tightly.

‘A damn shame.’

**Author's Note:**

> though that was angsty, I do hope you enjoyed it at least a little bit.  
> If you've got opinions, comments, concerns for my well being as I only know angst, please let me know!! I love interacting with you guys!!


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